Still waiting...but not available
Updated: Oct 11
Single men are funny creatures. When they get up the nerve to let me know they're interested, I'm always part flattered and part, "You have no idea who you're approaching, sir." One time, I was walking through an airport and I smiled as I passed this guy - that's it, literally a quick smile and kept moving. Next thing I know, this dude made a U-turn and talked me to my gate (which was clearly in the opposite direction he needed to go). He left the same way he came.
Oh, and then there was this gentleman who spent a lunch break with me after sitting through an IT class I was teaching. We chatted about all sorts of things and I thought, "Well, this is nice to sit down with a normal guy." By the end of the conversation, he worked up the nerve to ask me out...to a discount buffet. He went to dinner by himself.
There are many such stories I could tell that all end the same way. Am I hard to get? Maybe. But I think some males anticipate single females to be in this posture of "waiting for her man." Well, in my case, I've struck gold in the mountains and oil in the fields of contentment. I thoroughly enjoy the single life and I'm not interested in catching feelings right now. But I can offer some advice:
If you're interested in a woman, try to avoid these 3 questions 1. "Are you married?" - I think most women (single or married) will agree this is not the best question to ask up front. Married women do have platonic male friendships, you know. And if a woman is not married, it doesn't automatically increase your chances of getting anywhere. To me, this question means you're probably thinking about sex.
2. "How old are you?" - Call me old fashion, but this may likely still offend some women. If you combine this with question one, and the woman happens to be past an age she considers youthful, you risk sparking negative thoughts or emotions. A rejection of your advances is imminent.
3. "Do you have kids?" - Really, who still asks this question? This confirms my assumption to question one. The conversation is done and your application has been declined. Here is the address to a good church I know.
Single dudes, if you're willing to take a moment and observe the woman - look at her left hand, study her facial features and try to guess how old she may be, notice if kids are around - these clues may help answer your questions. And if you're searching online, read the profile, look through the pictures, pay attention to her narrative. I promise you, those details will either be obvious or revealed in a conversation where you made a genuine attempt to simply get to know her as a person.
I don't date while I wait I've never been "in love" or engaged. In fact, I've never had what I would consider a legitimate boyfriend. I wasted a little bit of time on dating sites and I entertained the attention of smooth-talkers - every single lady can find some comic relief this way! There were some decent conversations here and there, but most were too into themselves and the rest were only interested in my physical appearance (haha, I can assure you, I'm not all that).
I once prayed and told God I didn't want to date to find a mate. Now, that sounds crazy since most people believe you have to be actively looking to meet someone. I can't tell you how many online/app recommendations and encouraging testimonies I've received, but it's not my style. I don't have the patience to try to "figure someone out." At present, I am mentally and emotionally unavailable for that. When the timing is right, he will manifest.
Can we be friends? Nobody likes the friend zone, but it's where all men remain until character has been thoroughly tested. In most instances, my relationship with God I'll be friends with just about anyone, but I won't just marry anyone. Here are words I live by: "I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. A woman who has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. So, the person who marries does well, [but] the person who doesn't marry does even better" - 1 Corinthians 7:32, 34, 38 (emphasis mine).
I believe I'll be a wife someday, probably sooner than I think, but I'm still trying to "grow up" in a lot of ways. It may be a contradiction to say this: I would like to have a good man to spend time with, but I don't want those "earthly responsibilities" just yet. I am looking for companionship, but without the romantic/physical component. Sure, one thing may lead to the other, but that's not the place to start. The Greek word for the type of love I'm seeking is called phileo. You can't love me, adore me, or want to give up half of all your possessions unless you really know me.
When a man approaches me correctly, I'll reconsider my status. Until then, I cannot be worn down with wooing or swept up in surrender. My feet are firmly planted and I don't like being complimented to death. Anything positive he could say, I already practice saying it to myself! The best way to gauge whether or not I might be "the one" is to ask my Father if you can have me and wait for His reply. :D